Aside; I thought about calling this post “Holland Sucks”, but don’t feel like explaining it.
Some days, all I want to do is hide. I love my jobs, but I am tired. I love my family, but I am tired. I love the pets, but I am tired. I try so hard not to be whiny and depressed, but OMG, that is a big effort and is making me tired. I feel like if I stop, everything will fall apart. All I can control is me and my outlook… and that is getting difficult.
The doctor did not do Aldo’s rhizotomy. The doctor who suggested it also told Aldo that he can keep working “as long as he can tolerate the pain”. Her partner (and boss) took one look at Aldo’s MRI and was like “OMG! What happened? How are you walking?”, loaded him up with pain meds and gave us a referral to go to the Big Important Medical Center to see yet another specialist. Now we wait for BIMC to get back to us with an appointment.
Later that day, I went to a meeting at Timothy’s school. OMG, it was horrible. Timothy’s anxiety is getting out of control. He is almost completely mute at school at this point. One of the support staff actually suggested I put my child into a psychiatric hospital for observation before he got 302′ed (involuntary commitment – for self abuse in this case). I cried. Everyone looked uncomfortable. Damn them. We are on a wait list to see the child psychiatrist… when I called them they said it might be sometime this summer. Aldo and I have decided to keep Timothy at home this summer (not like we will have an option unless Aldo suddenly, miraculously, recovers) and try modifying Timothy’s diet. That has got to work, right?
Poor Aldo. He is such a good man, such a hard worker. It is killing him to not be able to do anything. Poor Timothy. He is such a smart, funny, loving kid. It must be so painful to be crippled by anxiety. And poor Sarah, she must feel so neglected. The poor child is so clingy these days, so demanding of my attention when I am home. I feel so helpless. How did this happen?
7 Comments
May 14, 2009 at 10:34 am
Come here and give me a hug you brave, lovely woman you. It’s going to be OK.
I’m thinking of you…
May 14, 2009 at 12:01 pm
{{{ I’m praying for you. }}}
May 14, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Why is your son a risk to himself? I’m sorry but I don’t know the whole story. (I’m Miss I from MDC by the way – my middle daughter has anxiety, selective mutism, and SPD issues)
How old is your son? Is he going through any kind of therapy like RDI or floortime or play therapy or CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)? Does he get any sensory occupational therapy (lots of activities for SPD are very calming for my selectively mute, anxious daughter).
What are they offering at school to help him regulate himself? I bet it’s the school that’s causing the anxiety to increase, unless they have proper supports for him to make him feel more comfortable. Are they patient with him? Are they trained to help AS kids?
Have you tried any fish oil or b-complex vitamins to help with the anxiety yet? That’s my next avenue for my daughter as her meltdowns have returned.
I guess, I’m trying to figure out what has been tried and what hasn’t. When I get a chance, I’ll keep looking into your blog and on MDC to see if you posted or not.
Don’t despair mama. There has to be a solution out there for him.
May 14, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Oh, chickadee. I know it’s hard. I luff you.
May 14, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Oh, Laura. I so desperately want to be able to help you and fix everything. I wish there was something I could do. But because I can’t, please know I’m thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. And hugs. And cyber chocolate.
May 17, 2009 at 9:51 am
Miss I-
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate feedback! I read & read, but have no idea really what to try or do. Unlike my garden, I feel learning by trial & error is a huge waste of time in this case. The idea I could harm my child more terrifies me.
Timothy is 11, in 5th grade. He was dxed with Asperger’s and high anxiety NOS last fall. We had been taking him to therapy (focused on behavior modification) since late January. I am unsatisfied with the counselor, and am seeking a new therapist. The school has two other children on the spectrum (small school) and while they have an IEP in place I am pretty sure they have no clue. It is most certainly the school causing the most anxiety.
Timothy takes fish oil at dinner and melatonin 30 minutes before bed. They both seem to really help and I can see a difference when he does not take them.
Everyone-
Thank you so much for your support. It means so much more to me than you can imagine.
May 18, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Even Holland has thunderstorms, eh? But the sun will come out eventually.
(((hugs)))