Tilt-a-Whirl

It was field trip day at the park.  The kids poured out of the bright yellow buses wearing happily colored matching tee shirts.  Pink, yellow, blue, white and green assembled in the parking lot like  chatty flowers.

Wearing my chaperone gray, I found our group of yellow.  The teachers stood in a black shirted knot in the middle of the milling children, making the whole scene look for all the world like a  Black Eyed Susan.

When the group assignments were given out, I found myself standing  in the middle of an island of misfit boys.  There were five of them including Timothy.  The other boys scattered like seeds on the wind, racing towards the roller coasters.  Timothy remained with me, rooted to the spot.  He was  anxious about the noise and commotion.  He told me he was  worried about being made to go on scary rides, not having enough money, losing the money he did have and where to eat lunch.

We found a nice shady bench and sat down to study the little fold out map of the park.  Timothy located the rides he wanted to go on and mapped out a plan, then we walked around a little to make sure the rides he chose on the map were indeed in the correct place and were the correct rides.   This took two hours, and then it was time to meet our group for check in.

After a quick lunch,  we went on some rides.  The spinning rides were the ones Timothy chose, the ones that did not go too high off the ground.  I rode the first one with Timothy, watching his face ease from anxious on the first spin to a little more relaxed.  As the ride picked up speed, the tilt a whirl seemed to spin away all his fears, he smiled and laughed, giggling with his head tilted back, eyes shut against the dappled sunlight reaching into the park from above the tall trees.  We spun, and I saw the carefree, happy child he keeps so well hidden.   We spun, and I felt a pang of bittersweet course though me.  We spun, and I wished I could let that feeling carry me away too, instead of holding on so tightly to the safety of the railing.

Friday Photo Post

And now for some happy stuff;

The kittens have been weaned and are happily living full time with the Lovely Neighbor.   Here are two of them two weeks ago;

Ruby really misses them.  This photo of Annie is from when they first arrived.

The alliums are blooming

As are some of the irises…

I wish I had a better camera, these are really so stunning!  They are huge and smell like soap.

Medium sized blue iris.

A gift to myself from the garden center… a Midnight Rose heuchera.  It’s hard to see, but there are flecks of pink on the leaves.

The Butterfly Bush

The boy was dressed a little oddly for a trip to the garden center on a rainy day  in May;  long sleeved blue cotton tee shirt with a blue undershirt peaking out of the neckline, blue shorts and blue swim shoes.   When I asked his father if they needed any help, the little boy answered.  He was looking for a bush for butterflies.  Is it your garden or his? I asked.  His the father replied.

The boy stooped every few feet to read the hang tags dangling like plastic flags from pots lining the gravel walk.   At the bridge, he stopped and looked at the ragged slate outcroppings that make up the bank of the deep creek.  Do you see any snakes? I asked.  The boy looked surprised and took a longer look.   Some snakes eat bugs he said.

The boy named a few of the  plants, pointing them out to his father as we walked by.  When we reached the butterfly bushes, he pronounced them unsuitable.     I showed them the lilacs.  This one is purple with white outlines.  See?  That is pretty unusual.  I bet butterflies like this one said the boy.   I made some remark about how clever the boy was, and how much he knew about plants.  No, bugs.  I like bugs and bugs like plants corrected the boy.   I sent the boy and his father towards the ornamental shrubs and went to wait on other customers.

Look at that little boy showing his dad the plants! exclaimed my boss; He’s like a little professor!

When they came into the office to check out, they had the fancy lilac.  As I was ringing them out, I asked the boy what his favorite butterfly was.  Monarch came the answer with no hesitation.   The boy remarked there were a lot of bees in the nursery.  I smiled and asked him if he knew how many kinds of bees there were.  Yes! came the enthusiastic answer; Carpenter bees, honey bees, Bumblebees, Orchid bees…

The father looked over his son’s head as the boy launched into descriptions of each bee type and gave an embarrassed shrug.  He has Asperger’s, he said.  Yes,  I replied.  My son does too.

As I put the lilac’s wet pot in a bag I introduced myself to the boy.  My name is Laura, what’s your’s? His name was Elijah.  Elijah, I said, I hope you come back and visit me again. I hope his father heard me,  really heard me, and I do hope they come back again soon.

OMG

Aside;  I thought about calling this post “Holland Sucks”, but don’t feel like explaining it.

Some days, all I want to do is hide.  I love my jobs, but I am tired.  I love my family, but I am tired.  I love the pets, but I am tired.  I try so hard not to be whiny and depressed, but OMG, that is a big effort and is making me tired.   I feel like if I stop, everything will fall apart.  All I can control is me and my outlook… and that is getting difficult.

The doctor did not do Aldo’s rhizotomy.  The doctor who suggested it also told Aldo that he can keep working “as long as he can tolerate the pain”.  Her partner (and boss)  took one look at Aldo’s MRI and was like “OMG!  What happened?  How are you walking?”, loaded him up with pain meds and gave us a referral to go to the Big Important Medical Center to see yet another specialist.  Now we wait for BIMC to get back to us with an appointment.

Later that day, I went to a meeting at Timothy’s school.   OMG, it was horrible.   Timothy’s anxiety is getting out of control.   He is almost completely mute at school at this point.  One of the support staff actually suggested I put my child into a psychiatric hospital for observation before he got 302′ed (involuntary commitment – for self abuse in this case).   I cried.   Everyone looked uncomfortable.   Damn them.    We are on a wait list to see the child psychiatrist… when I called them they said it might be sometime this summer.   Aldo and I have decided to keep Timothy at home this summer (not like we will have an option unless Aldo suddenly, miraculously, recovers) and try modifying Timothy’s diet.    That has got to work, right?

Poor Aldo.  He is such a good man,  such a hard worker.  It is killing him to not be able to do anything.   Poor Timothy.   He is such a smart, funny, loving kid.   It must be so painful to be crippled by anxiety.   And poor Sarah, she must feel so neglected.  The poor child is so clingy these days, so demanding of my attention when I am home.   I feel so helpless.   How did this happen?

The Singing Tree

Out the back door, to the left of the deck, under the shade of towering 90 year old Norway Pines, my tree is singing.   If you are still, you can hear it.  It sings a song that is ageless, a song of rebirth and hope.  It sings only for a short time as it’s small flowers open and it’s red leaves unfurl, reaching to the warming sun.  At first, it might sound alien, the humming of a thousand small voices lifted into thanksgiving.   If you are still, and watchful, you can see them, the singers, drunk on the nectar, dancing and weaving between the leaves until either rain or night falls.

Today, I stood between the rain showers, closed my eyes and listened, trying to absorb the message.

Update

I have had quite a lot going on, and have been neglecting the poor blog.  So, here is what is new… blurb style a la Facebook;

• I got another job.  I am now working 7 days a week,  averaging out to around 45 to 50 hours.   The new job is at a local garden center and nursery, and I really like it.
• I have a ton of photos to upload and post.
• Aldo was told by two different highly respected surgeons that no one will touch his back;  he has too many problems.    The neurosurgeon, the orthopedic surgeon and the pain management guy suggested he apply for disability.  So…
• Aldo is having out-patient surgery on his back tomorrow in hopes of alleviating some of his back pain.  It is called an RF Rhizotomy, and sounds barbaric.   I took the day off… it will be my first day “off” in 20 days.
• I started Timothy on melatonin on the advice of some MDC moms.  After some fooling around with the dose I think we got it right.  It seems to really help him get to sleep, and I can tell a big difference when he does not take it.
• Timothy also started taking a different type of fish oil.  I forgot to give it to him for 4 days and…
• The school called Monday.   When I came home, Timothy had a huge welt on his forehead and big scratches running from under his eyes down his cheeks.  He looked terrible.  I took a photo to show the therapist.    A substitute teacher told him he would get detention if he did not participate, and he freaked out.   I asked him why, why would he do such a thing to himself?  He said it’s because he deserves to be hurt and we will not hit him.   So tomorrow after Aldo’s appointment…
• I go to the school.  Again.
• The Autism Society people never called or emailed.  WTF?  I was so happy to find them, I called three times and emailed four.  I quit.  I feel very, very alone.
• Did I mention I have eggs to hatch on order  & an incubator lined up?  Because what I need is more things to take care of.
• Our application for Medical Assistance for Timothy’s  wrap around services has been denied twice now because we make too much money.  Never mind that any child with a disability is automatically eligible under PA state law.  I am beyond frustrated, and tired of dealing with health insurance.
• Our therapist is moving in June, which means Timothy will have to adjust to another one.  He was just starting to talk to this one!   Crap.
• A co-worker’s mother passed away and while they were cleaning out the barn they found a litter of week old kittens who’s mother had gotten run over the day before.   I took them.  They were very sick, and the smallest one died.  The other three are doing great and are now about 3.5 weeks old.  My lovely neighbor and I have been sharing kitten care, thank goodness because I could not do it alone!
• The peas and spinach are sprouting in the garden

Here’s the Easter Rabbit, Horray!

Happy Easter Rabbit, Horray!

I admit I love Easter candy.  My favorites are the solid chocolate bunny and the Cadbury Mini-eggs.  I made the mistake of buying a bag of  Mini-eggs a week ahead of time  and had to go out and get more.  Tragic, really.    This year I found “gourmet” corn-syrup free jelly beans, which were a huge hit.   Of course, I always buy Peeps for Aldo.    I think he may be the only one who eats them!

This year I made bunnies too.  They turned out pretty well.

I used a template I found online for a flat stuffed bunny (like a pillow with  ears) and modified it so the bunnies stand alone.  They  look like they are crouching down or eating.

Laundry Detergent

I can’t remember the last time I paid for toothpaste, shavers or deodorant… I get them all free.  However, there are some things I cannot get free, and laundry detergent is usually one of them.  I do sometimes get a free sample for one washer full, but really that does not make any sort of dent in the overall cost of doing laundry.   Occasionally I will get a really high value coupon and combine it with a sale to make the cost very low, but usually I buy from a few brands I like at the scratch & dent store for about $1.75 for 28 loads (that would be the size of one small 2X concentrate bottle).

I do on average one load a day during the work week and three or four a day  on the weekends.  That’s about 12 loads of wash a week, more if it is time to wash the pillows and comforters or if someone is sick.   So, just for a monthly average, I would say in all honesty I do about 50 to 55 loads of wash a month.  That’s an average of $3.50 a month for laundry detergent at current scratch & dent prices.    Not bad, right?  Well…

For about $5 including tax I bought all of the ingredients listed on the Duggar Family website (http://www.duggarfamily.com/recipes.html).   I paid full price for the Borax and washing soda, but got the Fels for fifty cents.     (the bottles are empty & for storage of the finished product)

Ok, here I feel like I need to go off topic and say that I am not a devout fundamental Christian, I do not practice the Quiverfull lifestyle and in general I have nothing in common with the Duggar family.  But,  no matter what you think of the Duggars,  you have to admit they are really amazing  people.  Not only do they see every single child as a Gift from God, but they are raising (and homeschooling) them all debt free.  Debt.  Free.  That is friggin’ awesome!    Right then… back to the topic at hand…

I grated the soap with my handy dandy bell grater (about 5 minutes of work) and added it to 4 cups of hot tap water.

Then I cooked it until all the soap bits were melted.   This took longer than I anticipated.   I think next time I might spend a little longer and use the fine side of the grater.

Then I dumped that onto a  five gallon bucket already half full with hot water and filled the bucket with more hot water.  After a good stir,  it was pretty much done!  All I did was slap a lid on and wait until the next day…

Mmmm, soap gelatin.   (Stir before using)   After asking some more experienced laundry soap makers, I decided to forgo the extra dilution (which would make it 10 gallons rather than five).  Since I skipped that step, I used half the amount suggested (about 1/4 cup) per load, and it works great!

This is  supposed to do 180 loads of wash.  I used up all the Fels Naptha, but have most of the other stuff left.  I would figure it maybe cost me a total of $1.50 at the MOST to make five gallons of concentrate, and it took me less time than it would have to drive to the store.   That’s a HUGE savings!  Next time, I am going to use an unscented bar soap like Ivory, which should smell a little less sharp and save me a little more money since bars of Ivory are usually at the discount store for twenty five cents a bar.

So, there you have it!  I work part time outside of the home, but I think I could squeeze this in even if I worked full time

Spring has Sprung!

So what if I had to dust a little snow off my car this morning?  Spring is here!  The elusive Great Horned Owls are back, hooting each other love songs through the night.  The bears are out of hibernation (Friday Mother, the kids and I saw a huge male black bear over by Aldo’s work, as well as a herd of deer and a gang of turkeys).  The neighbors are out raking and pruning.   The seedlings are doing well in the basement, the onions sprouted, and the collards came back.  And, best of all, the thing that makes me smile every day and drive slowly down our driveway…

Spring flowers .  They started March 14th with the Snowbuntings, followed by the other assorted crocus.

This one is called King of the Striped, and is an heirloom bulb circa 1880.  It’s the last crocus to bloom in my garden.   I am sure the neighbors are appalled I have not yet raked or weeded the garden beds!

I forget if I ever knew what this Narcissus was called, I think perhaps it is Ice Follies, since that is such a popular one.  I think it came in the mixed batch of “throw aways” I got from the local garden center after an early Easter one year.  I also have the “plain” ordinary bright yellow ones.

Not all of the Hyacinths a coworker gave me came up this year, but the ones that did are all dark purple and white.    I would never have bought them as generally I find the scent overwhelming,  but now that I have them I think they are so pretty.

Dog 2, Mermaids 0

I had a few orders for Easter basket fillers recently.  I had finished and mailed the first two orders, the third was waiting on the coffee table to be shipped.  In the (open)  package.  Wrapped with yummy tissue paper.  Unattended for about twenty minutes while I made up a mailing label in the next room.  Unattended… except for the damn dog.  (Insert image of shifty eyed Santa’s Little Helper  here and cue bad dog music)

Although Aldo said I should have taken photos of the bodies as evidence against the damn dog in the case of a murder trial, I could not bring myself to take a picture of the carnage.   Plus I was busy shaking with rage, so any photographic proof would have been rendered blurry and unusable to any jury.  Don’t worry, Ruby (AKA Damn Dog, eater of sofas, destroyer of windows,  chewer of chairs, murderer of mermaids) is still with us.  She had the good sense to hide until morning in her crate… far away from me.

Anyhow, I had to make two new mermaids…

Stupid dog.